Monthly Archives: February 2003

Sometimes I hate the trains in NYC. People create logjams by trying to crowd on before others can get off, peoples’ fat butts take up two seats, and the trains occasionally stop short of their goal. Take this morning for instance. I was riding the 2 train to 14th street, where I switch to the 1 train for one local stop to get to work. I was going to be on time for work this morning, a streak of three days that is good for my typical irresponsible non-morning person behavior. But no. With the 14th street station in sight down the tunnel, we stopped for fifteen minutes. I watched three 1 trains go by while they kept telling us there was a broken down train ahead of us. So I was late for work because they couldn’t pull the train forward 100 feet to drop me off. How rude of the MTA not to cater to my every whim. Anyway, such things are to be expected, I guess. And it isn’t like I’m never late for work. It just pisses me off when it isn’t my fault, like it usually is. Oh, well, back to work to make up for lost time!

I had a long day at work, made even longer because I still can’t shake this crappy cold. I can’t decide if it is the cold or the cold medicine that slows me down more. Either way, I am about as mentally agile as a potato with Down’s Syndrome. Christine introduced me to a cool site today. She found it while surfing Cafe Shops (which, by the way, is the best way to find weird sites). The site she found was I hate your SUV. It really spoke to me. I find it heartening that there are people out there fighting the absurdity of the SUV and confronting it in a humorous fashion. The fact that those doggone things are so popular is nothing short of a testament to slick marketing and slicker lobbying. You see, the American automakers would be in big trouble without the ridiculous margins they make on SUVs, and they know it. So they lobby the government to make sure that SUVs are classified as trucks to avoid the higher insurance and safety regulations required of passenger cars. Then they market them as “get out of town” vehicles, even though if you took your shiny Lexus SUV with the leather seats in for warranty repairs because you drove over your lawn, the mechanic would most likely look at you and say, “You know this dang thing ain’t designed to go offroad.” Don’t worry, the rant is almost over. Just a few more barbs… But I think they have finally given up on marketing them as tough vehicles. The commercials have begun to show them onroad more than off; an apt reflection of reality. And I agree with Bill Maher’s hilarious book wholeheartedly when he says that it is invariably the people who guzzle the most gas (SUV drivers) who put the most flags on their cars after 9/11. Ironic, isn’t it. But hey, maybe they figure if they are going to support an ideal, they might as well go all they way, whether it be supporting terrorists by guzzling as much gas as possible or supporting America by flying as many flags as possible. Someone should tell them that each additional flag is more wind resistance and hence worse gas mileage, hence more oil money, and hence more cash in Bin Laden’s boxcutters for babies fund. OK, I promised to end the SUV rant, and so I shall. Bottom line: Buy a bicycle. Don’t mount it on your friggin’ SUV. And if you get bored some weekend, try this or this.

Well, gosh dang it all to heck! I just got a call from Jared, which I assumed was in response to my clever little javascript stunts. Turns out, he called to say hello and I inadvertently ruined the surprise. (right, Jared Vallejo?). I place his name here because I don’t feel he has enough results in google. So google the name “Jared Vallejo” in about a month and you shall see this page! Ain’t I swell. He mentioned a site that a friend of his runs, and it is quite possibly the most amusing site since Real Ultimate Power. Check out the Tournament of Stuff, and be sure to vote for Cap’n Crunch and Hackey Sacks in bracket 6, because I have 50 bucks that says they go to the final 4! Yeah, baby! I have found a new way to amuse myself. If you, dear readers… (ok, who am I kidding?) reader, feel so inclined to make his day, you should link to that site, too. They tried getting it posted on Fark, but apparently Drew hates Jared Vallejo. Once more for google. heh. So apparently Amazon’s best seller is the new Harry Potter book, which is rather ludicrous, since the thing does not come out until JUNE!! But I admit, I reserved my copy. Heck, I reserved 50 copies. I figure to make a buck speculating on Harry Potter futures. OK, this has become a ramble of nonsensical syllables. I shall now sign off, dear readers… ahem… reader.

What an amazing weekend. I didn’t leave the house from the time I got home from work on Friday until the time I left for work this morning. I hate being sick. Now I must get myself motivated for work. Always a chore on a Monday morning when you can barely breathe. Alas, I shall keep it short as there is very little interesting going on right now. I have a feeling that will be an all too common phrase in this little blog.

Well, that was an exciting morning. I spent half of the day teaching myself dHTML and sHTML to try to pull off a little trick for a friend. You know who you are, Jared. Turns out that I only needed to CHMOD a file to 744 in order to be able to execute the javascript properly, detect his IP address when he shows up, and pop up a custom message. What fun! OK< I have a confession to make... I am not really a geek. I want more than anything to be a geek who can hack and code and become the next Comic Store Guy from the Simpsons. But alas, I am a wanna be geek. Everything I know about web design, programming, and hardware comes from one college C++ class and online tutorials that any newborn could master in half the time it takes me. But I can sure sound like a true geek when I put my mind to it. Heck, I built my own computer for gits and shiggles. It is an amazing machine, but it just sits there on the shelf because our friggin' computer desk is only deep enough for the laptop. Time to upgrade. So getting away from that stream of consciousness tangent... I spent the morning trying to figure out how to add useless functionality to my site. And snorting back phlegm. I have been rather sick of late. It came on (of course) at 3PM on Friday. Bye bye weekend. Anyhoo, we were supposed to have our little book club meeting last night, but most people had not finished the book, some were sick, and one idiot had not even started it. I was all three. Anyway, isn't the Satanic Verses kind of yesterday's news? Oh, ok, I guess I will have to cram so I can sound intelligent when we do actually discuss the book. Maybe there is an online tutorial I can use! "Salman Rushdie for Dummies" Or in my case, "Salman Rushdie for People with the Mental Agility of Mildew." OK, enough blogging for one day. I shall now retire to my mothballed computer and see if I cannot find some clever use for it.

This is my new blog. I thought it might be fun to keep all of my 3 unique visitors per month up to date on my life or lack thereof.